TheNewMe

I don't normally post so close together, but I felt I needed to say something about today. I have been facing anxiety and depression for a while now. Like yesterday, I won't put it up on Facebook because #1 - I don't want everyone to know my business or rather I don't feel comfortable confessing this to all people and #2 - I don't want pity from people and that is what I will get if I tell this to some people. I feel embarrassed because as a Christian, I don't know how I could possibly be facing something like depression. I know God has me in His hands always so why am I feeling like this? I don't question Him, I question myself. He has brought me through many other "down" situations and I have no reason to doubt He will do it again with me being stronger on the other side. Here it is: I feel like crying every single day that I get up. I am experiencing health problems like chest pains and just not feeling good on a day to day basis. In the cours...

I am having a hard time acclimating to my new job. I don't feel like I fit in AT ALL. I wish I could say different and pretend how much I love my job, but honestly I don't. I don't love it. I feel sad every single day. The "language" around me is constant and although I realize to many, this is not a big deal but to me it is and when you hear it all the time it gets to you. I am alone. Very alone. I am part of a secretarial staff that is hugely underpaid and underappreciated.  The direct supervisors in my department do appreciate me and that feels good but it only scratches the surface. When I started this job, I did so to get my foot in the door and at first it was great because there was an abundance of work to do. I set forth to get so much accomplished and I did so with fervor. Once it was all done, however things changed for me. No longer did I have something to do but I have to go asking for things to do. It is embarrassing and humiliating to ask people if I...

Okay so I have 20 pounds of fat to go. I was able to get on this really cool machine that gives every detail of mass in your body. With the exception of extra skin that could come off with surgery, my muscle and skeletal mass looks good. I have 20 pounds left to go before I am at optimal weight for my height and age. Will I do it? No clue. Will I try? Absolutely. We are doing this challenge at work right now called Everybody Walk Across PA. It is an 8 week walking challenge and we have created teams at work to see just how much we can walk each week. The goal that Penn State Extension encourages teams to accomplish is 10 miles per person per week for 8 weeks. So far in this first week, I have accomplished 9.25 miles and it is only day 4 of the 7-day week. I think the challenge with teams will push me to do more just because I am competitive and whether we win or not makes no real difference. On a side note, I have not been feeling my best lately. If you could please pray that my doct...

So I wonder if anyone else who has had weight loss surgery and lost a lot of weight still feels "fat" sometimes. Don't get me wrong, people tell me I look great and it feels good to hear it but when will I feel like it is enough? Will I ever stop trying to lose more? Is it wrong for me to keep going? I realize this is all superficial and thankfully God sees me for who I am and who I want to be, but I wonder if I will ever have the "realization" that I am just fine the way I am. I thought this way once upon a time when I was obese. I don't know if I ever believed myself when I said it but I still put it out there. I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know for a fact that I have lost a solid 165 pounds and I still struggle every day to make the right choices. I also know that if I could shed this extra skin, it would make it pretty close to my goal weight. Does any of this matter? Not really, I am still just processing how to feel in my new body I gues...

Well, I am down 7 pounds and 3 inches from the beginning of February until now. I'll take it! 17 pounds to go until my goal weight. Every small step counts and every movement counts. Every new day is a new opportunity to take charge of your life. Yesterday's mistakes are today's victories if you choose to make it reality. Make a small step whether it is slowly adding small workouts or movements or taking away a bad habit and replacing it with a new healthier one. Every day is a challenge, but today's choices equals next month's body. This past weekend, I got my hair cut and colored and started making new resolutions to make a simple change every day. I still struggle with snacking urges and I will continue for the rest of my life. The key is to recognize weaknesses and curb those by constant prayer, determination, and asking support from family. I feel great and know that my hard work has and will continue to pay off. God is still creating a good work in me. He ...

Well, it looks like my hard work is paying off. I am finally moving on the scale again. I started something new in January and started something new again yesterday. I am down 5 pounds and down 5.5 inches. Hooray for me!!! Every little bit counts and feels great. I started my new job yesterday as well. It went good as far as first days are concerned. I look forward to learning more today and with each day ahead. Blessings to anyone who reads my blog. I hope you have a wonderful day filled with all God has planned for you.

I have started moving again. Now if I don't lose anymore most know that I am completely okay with that and am extremely proud of how much I have accomplished. I am 26 pounds from my goal weight which is 145 and what I weighed when I got married 25 years ago. I am within a pound of being reclassified in BMI of being "overweight" versus being "obese" and within 30 pounds from being considered "normal". I don't remember now what I was because I have a new normal. I remember being unhappy and not knowing which direction my family or I were headed. What a journey this has been. I am still learning that I can't give in to cravings because it makes me feel bad when I do. Not always but always the rule.  I will start a new job in a week and a new diet of sorts at the same time. Those are not hard, just new beginnings. The hard part is making the decision every day of putting exercise among the most important "things to get done" everyday...