I am not very good at blogging obviously. I try something new and then within a few weeks I put it down again only to leave it there for a few years until I think about it again. This time I am writing again because I have a lot to unload and my therapist thinks it may be a good idea to put my ideas down no matter how deep or shallow or simple they are. So here I am. I suppose I survived 202o by the skin of my ever breaking teeth. (no that is not a colloquialism for something else-my teeth are actually breaking) I wish I could say that things are quite alright with me but then I would be lying and I am not like that. I like to be transparent or so I like to say but then I am not totally open with everyone about where I am in the moment. So let me start with today and begin with that. I finally spoke to my therapist today and she recommended that I start doing things for myself like carving things out for myself since I am overwhelmed by everything. This is my effort. Most days I lay in bed depressed and in pain not able to move past myself. I have this belief that God is holding me because I can't hold myself up at the moment. I pray that this is true and believe it to be true because his word says it is. My heart breaks every day and if I was honest with anyone other than my wonderful husband, I would probably be sitting in a mental institution right now. I do have a support system; it is just hard for me to let them in most of the time. Okay so for my assignment suggestions were: 

  • Increase cognitive behavioral skills
  • Look for positive affirmations or ideas on Pinterest
  • Look for Self help books
  • Make things or do puzzles
  • Dance or play board games with family
  • Distract self by positive interventions
  • Writing or drawing
  • Reprogram and be kind to yourself
  • Come up with a mantra to a happier self
  • Do your hair or makeup or dress up to feel good
  • Do your nails
  • Make a list of things to self soothe
  • Go to the dollar tree or thrift stores
  • Book reading or walking
  • Make a list of what you used to like to do and start doing them
  • Make time for yourself daily
  • Make “I AM … note cards”
So I started today by taking a 30 minute hot shower, shaving my legs, washing my face, listening to funky dance music, took time to put on make up and painted my finger and toe nails and I am not going anywhere. My hope is that I can write a little something every day to work myself up to real writing. Stay tuned...

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