Saturday, July 22, 2017

A New Life

Well, I guess it is past time for an update. These past few months have been full of depression and uncertainty. To feel like your life has been ripped open and fallen apart cannot begin to describe what I was feeling. Today I am amazed at the turn of events and am completely humbled at the sight of my God. He never left me, no matter how alone I felt. I would like to thank all the people who prayed for me during this time and for those who let me know that they were there for me and had my back through it all. I am pleased to say that it is behind me and I can move forward. Through it all, I put back on some weight that I had lost and had major migraines and stress. Now I can say that I can turn it around and move forward. I was able to get back to work this week. Hallelujah! It was great to see my co-workers again and to finally feel that I could make a difference again. I love my job and I know that is rare. Not many people can say that. I love my co-workers and I love the families that I come into contact with. I consider myself blessed beyond measure and keep asking if this is real. 

Family updates:

Lee took a part-time job at Wal-Mart as a door greeter and he likes it because he gets to talk to people. Our congregation is still behind us and we are looking for opportunities to grow our youth program constantly.

I told you about myself. I am finally back to work and back on my weight loss program in the coming weeks. 

Geoffry got a call back for a job at Wal-Mart this past week. Not sure when he will start but he also got a letter for a civil service job so his outlook is much better.

Becca is staying at home with our adorable grandson Marcus. She has been a big help to me.

Chris took a fall at camp so his ankle has been recovering. He is no longer in Boy Scouts.

Jamie is doing okay. She has an upcoming appointment with a dermatologist on Monday so pray that they can do something about her skin.

Still have our handsome dog Kobi and three cats (one is an outside cat).

Pray for me and tell me how I can pray for you. Love you all, but most importantly love my God who will always be for me.





































Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Negative is the new normal

So I wish I could say that things were much better, but I really can't. I thank God for my family and the few friends that I have. I am having a really hard time not feeling defeated at the moment. Sometimes people say it is good to make a list of pros and cons. I will try.

Pros
I still have...
  • God
  • Lee
  • Chris
  • Jamie
  • Geoffry
  • Becca
  • Marcus
  • Kobi
  • my life
  • family

Cons
  • Still have no clue what is going on health-wise with myself. I am struggling with depression and weight challenges every day. I have been sick the past two weeks and have started having episodes, one of which caused me to black out and hit my head yet doctors say everything is perfectly normal. If that is normal, I don't want it.
  • Have no idea what is going to happen with our family with my legal situation. Because of this, I am unable to work, so unable to provide for our family. God gives and God takes away. I will continue in poverty and be joyful about it. 
  • Have no idea why people in churches refuse to move forward. It is almost like they want to die and guess what? They will. They are hanging themselves and refuse to take responsibility for it. The bad thing about it is that there are WILLING people in congregations trying to step up and do what is necessary but unfortunately their voices are smothered out by the few who want to stay in the dark with their traditions. Don't get me wrong, I am all about tradition because I think it is important but when it causes the church to die and for the word of Christ to not be heard then what good are we doing? I am tired of trying and getting nowhere. I am done. Someone else can pick up what I do. I will no longer be on any "lists" of things to do. My voice will no longer be heard in matters or in song. I will search for other opportunities to share Christ and connect with others.
I wish I had something positive to say, but unfortunately I don't and sometimes it just is that way and there is nothing anyone can say or do to make a difference.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Getting a Restart

Okay. Ready. Set. Restart.

I have been majorly slack in many areas in my life.

Spiritual
Mental
Physical

Spiritually speaking, I have not been diligent in my walk with God. I talk to Him, but I don't take it the many other steps that I need to take to be truly close to Him. I was very moved and convicted hearing my husband preach yesterday. He has been talking about the ACTS method of prayer.
A - Adoration
C - Confession
T - Thanksgiving
S - Supplication
I was particularly moved by what he said about how we are "too busy" to get to God or to our families for that matter. He used an example of how he may sit down first thing in the morning with good intentions of having a daily devotional time with God, but looking at one email or taking the dog for a walk or helping others get ready in the mornings or checking one status on Facebook can distract us from our true purpose. Those things are not bad in and of themselves, but if we are trying to set aside time for God, why don't we fully commit? Thanks Lee. I am restarting my walk with God with fresh eyes. Day One of my recommitment to God.

Mentally speaking, I have not been faithful to myself. I get overloaded with everything going on that I have not mentally taken care of myself, therefore I am over-stressing and making myself inaccessible to my family. I often feel alone and isolated because I don't have anyone I trust to take everything (God and my husband is the two exceptions). I do have one special lady who is available for me to talk to, but I haven't been able to make "close" friends anywhere I have been. I have a handful of friends with whom I would consider lifetime friends, but they are not in close proximity to me and it is not always easy in ministry to find trust in people. Don't get me wrong, I love my church family. They take care of my family and they love us unconditionally, but it is different than having a close friend to confide in and have fun with. Day One of my recommitment to self.

Physically speaking, I have completely forsaken my body and the hard work I put in all those months ago. I lost 160 pounds, felt great, and finally felt comfortable with my body (excess skin aside). I still felt like I could lose another 25-30 pounds, but now I have gone in the opposite direction. I am 30 pounds heavier instead and I can tell a difference. I am not unhappy, but I know better and I know what I have to do to get back in my "healthy mindset." Stress and circumstances have sent me spiraling into the unhealthy void. Well, no more! Several weeks ago, I started a free fit club at our church, in the hopes to have others to be accountable to. So far, there is four of us that meet every Saturday morning to "walk" inside the sanctuary. As of today, I WILL take back charge of what I put in my mouth and stop mindlessly eating. I will remind myself daily that today's choices equals next month's body. What can I do to move more, eat less, and feel better each day? It is up to me. Day One of my recommitment to my body.

Family Update:

Lee and I are still going strong and will celebrate 26 years of marriage this June.
Chris is quickly reaching his dad's height and is becoming a responsible young man.
Jamie still struggles with health issues, but is turning into a beautiful young lady.

Geoffry, Becca, and Marcus have moved back in with us and Geoffry's new job is going really well. Thanks to all who have prayed for them and their journey. We are beyond excited that we are getting to see more of Marcus.

Pet Status:
Kobi - Still our biggest baby (Thinks he is still a puppy)
Penny - Has become more sociable since we added another cat.
Katniss - Our first new addition. She is loud and gives Penny something to do and Kobi something to bark at.
Finally, Midnight - Our newest addition and our basement cat. He was neighbor's cat and was unable to make the journey with their move so he moved into our basement this winter.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Vacation is Coming

One more work day left until vacation starts. I have enjoyed my precious alone time with my husband of 25 years (next week), but I am missing my children. I can't wait to see them and to visit family and friends over the next week. We will hopefully be in NC sometime tomorrow evening and will be there for a whole week. I am excited, not for the driving part but for the fellowship of family and friends that I have not seen in quite some time.

Work update: I started a new position last week, however I will not be able to fully get into the role until later in July due to vacation and having to cover phones when I get back. I am looking forward to new responsibilities. Right now, I pretty much have nothing to do until that happens. Oh well, I will be so thankful that I have a job and anticipate the coming work that will greet me upon my return from vacation.

Family update: Lee and I will celebrate 25 years of being married next week while on vacation. I love this man so much. He is my best friend and who God created for me. Geoffry finally has his car and he and his wife Becca are trying to look at future options for their own place very soon. Their son, my grandson Marcus is a joy and I am very much looking forward to holding him when I get to NC. Christopher has been at camp all this week and is still involved with Boy Scouts, has passed his grade, and as of the end of school has a girlfriend. Jamie has been enjoying the summer in NC for the last several weeks. Like I said, I can't wait to see my children. I have missed their presence. Kobi and Penny are still good. They will most likely not be speaking to us when we get back for leaving them for so long.

Weight update: Nothing much to update. I have stayed steady at 170. I would like to go further, but that would require further surgery to remove excess skin. I'm not sure I can afford it so I will be elated with my progress. I am comfortable with myself as I am. I have lost a solid 160 pounds since December of 2013. I have more to work on, but don't we all? When I get back from vacation, I will again re-start my healthy options and routines. It is all about re-starting every day and allowing yourself something small. I say small because a treat every day is not optimal for healthy living, but maybe one per week or per month would be better. I would like to have an exercise routine that works for me and my schedule. One that does not require thinking too much or planning in advance-just doing.

I will leave you today with a quote I put in a previous blog several years ago. I am going to post this in my cubicle at work and then at home as well so I can remind myself every day that God is my #1 and I need to make it so in my life.


“If I could give everyone only one piece of advice it would be the following, ‘Greet each day by sliding out of bed and hitting your knees. Tell God how much you love Him and thank Him for everything you can think of. Then give Him your day, energy, passion, desire, and needs. Talk to Him throughout your day. Turn off the radio while you drive and picture Him sitting beside you. Tell Him what is on your mind and ask Him advice. Then wait for the answer. He is faithful to always respond...we often simply assume He will not. Finally, treat each day with the desire to make your Heavenly Father smile. I like to close my eyes and picture my actions bringing a smile to His face.’” Dr. Jill Jones, DOD- 08/08/2010. RIP to you and your son.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

How To Weep In Public: A Review



 
 
















I want to begin by saying that I am a reviewing an advance copy that was provided by the publisher free of charge for the purpose of review. I received it through the Blogging For Books website. You can purchase the book HERE .

 This book is supposed to be a satire about how to experience depression in a fulfilling way. I found the book to be somewhat funny, however it seems to be more of an excuse for the author to speak opinions in vulgar ways with no purpose. Each chapter says basically the same thing over and over again. I found it hard to make it through each one. There are some practical suggestions regarding navigating through relationships while in depression mode.

http://www.jokesnovak.com/

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Still on Cloud Nine

What a weekend! What a weekend! Let me say it again...What a weekend!!! I was finally able to get my hair cut and colored on Saturday and it feels great! Plus, I have the best family in the whole world. God blessed me so much through them this past weekend. First, Geoffry came up to PA to pick up his car. He brought with him Lee's dad Steve and step mom Frankie, his wife Rebecca, and my beautiful grandson Marcus. If my heart wasn't already full enough, within an hour of them arriving on Saturday, I found out what Lee had been secretly plotting for 2 weeks prior - one of my very best friends from high school Chelley showed up with her son Aydin to surprise me. What a shocker! We were able to go out to dinner and ice cream and then I went with her to see her campsite. Sunday they were all at church with us and then followed back to our house for a marvelous BBQ chicken Sunday dinner that we were all able to sit at my kitchen table and enjoy. We played cards and just hung out while some of the family took care of Geoffry's car. Then I was able to enjoy a sweet nap with my daughter and grandson until everyone got back to the house. To top all of this off, yesterday my husband picked me up from work and took me out to a wonderful dinner at a restaurant we have been wanting to try. It was an amazing Italian dinner and my new favorite restaurant. I had a great time hanging out with him and walking around Wal-Mart for a little while. Then when we got home, we watched a movie with our son Chris. What an amazing time of fellowship I have had this weekend. I am so full-hearted and happy. I will miss our daughter Jamie as she is now in NC visiting family until we come down later this month. Wow! I am still kind of without words to express my gratitude for my family and friends. May God truly bless them all.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

A Review of "Together at the Table" by Hillary Manton Lodge


Together at the Table

I want to begin by saying that I am a reviewing an advance copy that was provided by the publisher free of charge for the purpose of review. I received it through the Blogging For Books website. You can purchase the book  HERE

I enjoyed this book very much. Ms. Lodge doesn't fail to keep the story interesting in this follow-up in the series. The heroine continues to get to the bottom of understanding her family roots. It is a continued tale of love in hardships and the threat of lost loves during a time of war and secrets due to Jewish heritage. All of the characters were well played and the ending left me wanting more from the story. Hillary Manton Lodge has once again proven herself to be an inspired fiction writer and I look forward to reading more from her. 

http://www.hillarymantonlodge.com/