Saturday, July 22, 2017

A New Life

Well, I guess it is past time for an update. These past few months have been full of depression and uncertainty. To feel like your life has been ripped open and fallen apart cannot begin to describe what I was feeling. Today I am amazed at the turn of events and am completely humbled at the sight of my God. He never left me, no matter how alone I felt. I would like to thank all the people who prayed for me during this time and for those who let me know that they were there for me and had my back through it all. I am pleased to say that it is behind me and I can move forward. Through it all, I put back on some weight that I had lost and had major migraines and stress. Now I can say that I can turn it around and move forward. I was able to get back to work this week. Hallelujah! It was great to see my co-workers again and to finally feel that I could make a difference again. I love my job and I know that is rare. Not many people can say that. I love my co-workers and I love the families that I come into contact with. I consider myself blessed beyond measure and keep asking if this is real. 

Family updates:

Lee took a part-time job at Wal-Mart as a door greeter and he likes it because he gets to talk to people. Our congregation is still behind us and we are looking for opportunities to grow our youth program constantly.

I told you about myself. I am finally back to work and back on my weight loss program in the coming weeks. 

Geoffry got a call back for a job at Wal-Mart this past week. Not sure when he will start but he also got a letter for a civil service job so his outlook is much better.

Becca is staying at home with our adorable grandson Marcus. She has been a big help to me.

Chris took a fall at camp so his ankle has been recovering. He is no longer in Boy Scouts.

Jamie is doing okay. She has an upcoming appointment with a dermatologist on Monday so pray that they can do something about her skin.

Still have our handsome dog Kobi and three cats (one is an outside cat).

Pray for me and tell me how I can pray for you. Love you all, but most importantly love my God who will always be for me.





































Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Negative is the new normal

So I wish I could say that things were much better, but I really can't. I thank God for my family and the few friends that I have. I am having a really hard time not feeling defeated at the moment. Sometimes people say it is good to make a list of pros and cons. I will try.

Pros
I still have...
  • God
  • Lee
  • Chris
  • Jamie
  • Geoffry
  • Becca
  • Marcus
  • Kobi
  • my life
  • family

Cons
  • Still have no clue what is going on health-wise with myself. I am struggling with depression and weight challenges every day. I have been sick the past two weeks and have started having episodes, one of which caused me to black out and hit my head yet doctors say everything is perfectly normal. If that is normal, I don't want it.
  • Have no idea what is going to happen with our family with my legal situation. Because of this, I am unable to work, so unable to provide for our family. God gives and God takes away. I will continue in poverty and be joyful about it. 
  • Have no idea why people in churches refuse to move forward. It is almost like they want to die and guess what? They will. They are hanging themselves and refuse to take responsibility for it. The bad thing about it is that there are WILLING people in congregations trying to step up and do what is necessary but unfortunately their voices are smothered out by the few who want to stay in the dark with their traditions. Don't get me wrong, I am all about tradition because I think it is important but when it causes the church to die and for the word of Christ to not be heard then what good are we doing? I am tired of trying and getting nowhere. I am done. Someone else can pick up what I do. I will no longer be on any "lists" of things to do. My voice will no longer be heard in matters or in song. I will search for other opportunities to share Christ and connect with others.
I wish I had something positive to say, but unfortunately I don't and sometimes it just is that way and there is nothing anyone can say or do to make a difference.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Getting a Restart

Okay. Ready. Set. Restart.

I have been majorly slack in many areas in my life.

Spiritual
Mental
Physical

Spiritually speaking, I have not been diligent in my walk with God. I talk to Him, but I don't take it the many other steps that I need to take to be truly close to Him. I was very moved and convicted hearing my husband preach yesterday. He has been talking about the ACTS method of prayer.
A - Adoration
C - Confession
T - Thanksgiving
S - Supplication
I was particularly moved by what he said about how we are "too busy" to get to God or to our families for that matter. He used an example of how he may sit down first thing in the morning with good intentions of having a daily devotional time with God, but looking at one email or taking the dog for a walk or helping others get ready in the mornings or checking one status on Facebook can distract us from our true purpose. Those things are not bad in and of themselves, but if we are trying to set aside time for God, why don't we fully commit? Thanks Lee. I am restarting my walk with God with fresh eyes. Day One of my recommitment to God.

Mentally speaking, I have not been faithful to myself. I get overloaded with everything going on that I have not mentally taken care of myself, therefore I am over-stressing and making myself inaccessible to my family. I often feel alone and isolated because I don't have anyone I trust to take everything (God and my husband is the two exceptions). I do have one special lady who is available for me to talk to, but I haven't been able to make "close" friends anywhere I have been. I have a handful of friends with whom I would consider lifetime friends, but they are not in close proximity to me and it is not always easy in ministry to find trust in people. Don't get me wrong, I love my church family. They take care of my family and they love us unconditionally, but it is different than having a close friend to confide in and have fun with. Day One of my recommitment to self.

Physically speaking, I have completely forsaken my body and the hard work I put in all those months ago. I lost 160 pounds, felt great, and finally felt comfortable with my body (excess skin aside). I still felt like I could lose another 25-30 pounds, but now I have gone in the opposite direction. I am 30 pounds heavier instead and I can tell a difference. I am not unhappy, but I know better and I know what I have to do to get back in my "healthy mindset." Stress and circumstances have sent me spiraling into the unhealthy void. Well, no more! Several weeks ago, I started a free fit club at our church, in the hopes to have others to be accountable to. So far, there is four of us that meet every Saturday morning to "walk" inside the sanctuary. As of today, I WILL take back charge of what I put in my mouth and stop mindlessly eating. I will remind myself daily that today's choices equals next month's body. What can I do to move more, eat less, and feel better each day? It is up to me. Day One of my recommitment to my body.

Family Update:

Lee and I are still going strong and will celebrate 26 years of marriage this June.
Chris is quickly reaching his dad's height and is becoming a responsible young man.
Jamie still struggles with health issues, but is turning into a beautiful young lady.

Geoffry, Becca, and Marcus have moved back in with us and Geoffry's new job is going really well. Thanks to all who have prayed for them and their journey. We are beyond excited that we are getting to see more of Marcus.

Pet Status:
Kobi - Still our biggest baby (Thinks he is still a puppy)
Penny - Has become more sociable since we added another cat.
Katniss - Our first new addition. She is loud and gives Penny something to do and Kobi something to bark at.
Finally, Midnight - Our newest addition and our basement cat. He was neighbor's cat and was unable to make the journey with their move so he moved into our basement this winter.